you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
