we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
