I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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