Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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