Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
