This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
