I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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