I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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