This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
