Pants 0. Shit 1.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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