YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
