You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
