You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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