the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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