That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
