woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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