I'm sorry my penis didn't work
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
