Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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