Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
