On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
