I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
