I faked an abortion last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
