Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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