I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
