I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
