The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
