just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
