so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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