Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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