it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You pole danced in your parka.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
