You can't special order awesome
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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