Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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