do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
