DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
