I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
