I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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