I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
