as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
