think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
