I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
