you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
