ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
