sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
