I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
