so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
