i think my mom watched the whole time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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