I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
