thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
