think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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