He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
