you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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