I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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